I am like you. When I am out there facing off against the masses I am not in my lil hatchback maneuvering through traffic , one against the many , I am actually in my V8 Intercepter roaming the wasteland of the old world. Bringing law to the lawless. Somewhere between Nightrider and Humoungous on my journey beyond Thunderdome(hope no one’s copyright is getting infringed anything used herein is considered a parody ; I’m looking at you Disney you don’t own everything…yet). I am the Road Warrior! With my giant aviator sunglasses and my 80’s hair I prowl
the land, between 7 – 9am.
Wandering aimlessly trying to do the things we try to do each day , and then it happens. Amongst the filth ; the festering humanity, comes the criminals. The lowliest of the low ; the scavengers ; the Humungous ; the shitstain they call Quantum.
The mere sight enrages most men sending them into fits of hooting and bashing in steering wheels. Not you. Not me , the last flicker of hope in the Wasteland. We are calm when they come; when they come in their infernal machines packed with 20 men and woman. We are calm when we see their vehicles even though imbued with rust, have been modified to the extreme , allowing the climbing of curbs and concrete islands ; going off-road ; stopping and spewing out its warriors every second. We are calm , my Intercepter and me.
We watch and wait. We watch Lord Humongous for a mistake. A mistake that will make us Mad. It happens quickly , our body shifts into action. The Humongous crosses traffic lanes onto the outskirts of the road climbing rock and dirt! Mama warriors in the backseat yell but not all ; the yellers must be new in this Humongous army, green under the gills. I see him in my rear mirror , dirt fog kicks up between us. He approaches , my muscles tighten. Adrenaline kicks me in the gut, my heart thumps air out of my lungs. I shift and react. Sliding my car to the side and slow near the Humongous, his arm outstretched from window poised to touch my Intercepter. A quick jerk of the steering wheel again and I slide forward as the car behind me slides with me in unison and the Humongous is denied entry back into the lane.
Victory! I stick my head out the side window and yell it in bumper to bumper traffic. Victory , I yell as I swing around extending my middle finger to the Humongous, children crying in their cars at the sight of my antics. Hooters blaring at me as I stop moving in traffic to celebrate my hubris.
I settle back in and join the masses on my journey. Gripping my steering wheel, teeth grit and sweat falling from my face ( why did I wear so much black leather in a desert) the Humongous dealt with, leaving me traveling until the next battle. My journey to Thunderdome…in another 40min.